Milestone #7 Identity
Age: 13-18

The adolescent years might better be called the "Turbulent Teenage Years." As adults, we all have memories of these years - some good, some not so good. It's the stage of life in which kids are no longer children, but they're not adults either. So what are they? They're teenagers who are struggling to answer two important questions: Who am I? and Why am I here?

Good Self-esteem vs. Proper Self-esteem
The pressures to conform and be like everybody else are immense; probably greater than we realize. This is where identity is so critical. The world says we must teach our kids to have a good self-esteem. While this is true, I think it sells our kids short. What Christian teenagers really need is a proper self-esteem. What's the difference? Glad you asked.

A good self-esteem is based upon the values of the world in which we live such as fitting into a certain peer group. making good grades, being athletic, being cool, etc. But what happens when we fail in these areas? Does our good self-esteem become a poor self-esteem? Yes.

A proper self-esteem leads kids to see themselves the way God sees them regardless of their intelligence, social status, athletic ability or coolness. You see, when a person becomes a Christian, they are a new creation in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17). In God's eyes, we are saints, holy, blameless, forgiven, unique, gifted, blessed, etc. (for a complete list, click here and download a fabulous study on who God says we are in Christ and teach this to your kids and see how a proper self-esteem can transform the way they think). A great story in the Bible comes from Daniel chapter 1 in which Daniel and 3 teenage friends stood tall in the face of pressure.

Next, we must teach our kids that God has a dream destiny in store for them. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"  Remind your kids constantly that God has a purpose for them that will be the greatest destiny of their life.

Finally, believe in your kids and tell them constantly that you do. In the midst of a world that constantly tells them they don't measure up, they must be reminded that there is someone who is always in their corner and there for them.

These are some difficult years, but hang in there parents. God is faithful and He will see you through it.

See the Resource Page for a list of resources for all milestones.