Milestone #8 Rite of Passage
Age: 17-19

At what age is a boy in America declared a man? is it when he goes through
puberty? When he gets his driver's license? When he shoots his first buck or
drinks his first beer? Is it when he graduates high school? Is when he has sex for
the first time, gets married or gets a real job? When is it in our culture that
a boy becomes a man? Sadly, there is no definitive answer to this question in
our American culture. It's a lost art - that of leading our sons to become men.
That is why a "Rite of Passage" milestone is so critical for our sons and daughters
to know they have become men and women.

1 Corinthians 13:11 says, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." Clearly this scripture teaches there is a time in one's life to put childhood behind and become a man or a woman. So how do parents do this? i will approach this from the male gender perspective.

3 Elements to A Son Knowing He is a Man

1. Clear definition of manhood. I have borrowed from Robert Lewis his definition of manhood taken from his book, Raising A Modern Day Knight. It has four parts: Reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously and expect the greater reward. Our sons must know this defintion and dads should begin teaching this definition at the beginning of adolescence.

2. Directional process. The 10 Spiritual Milestones of the JOF is the directional process.

3. Ceremony initiating a boy into manhood. This is where the Rite of Passage comes in to play.
What is a ceremony? It's a special occasion that leaves an imprint on one's mind of a significant occasion in life. A Rite of Passage is a ceremony that will forever be engraved in a man's mind in which he knows he has become a man and he will never forget it. This kind of ceremony is prepared well in advance and shows that much time, thought and preparation has been put into it.

Who should be included in the ceremony? Paul wrote to the Philippians about the importance of example: “Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you.” Philippians 3:17. The word pattern here means a proto type; a model. Men who should be included in this kind of ceremony are mentors who have helped shape your son.

Example of Ceremony taken from Robert Lewis' book Raising A Modern Day Knight:
Chris Lott was 19 when his mother married Dale Kinzler. At first, as in any blended family, Chris’s relationship with Dale was awkward. But the two men had two things in common: a love for the Lord, and a love for Jimmilee – Chris’s mom and Dale’s wife.
While attending a Men’s Fraternity group, Dale realized the importance of affirming his stepson as a man. Along with another father-son team, Dale and Chris planned a backpacking trip to the Ouachita Mountains in central Arkansas.
During the four-mile hike to their campsite, the fathers asked their sons to think up a list of all the things children do. They wanted them to visualize the immature behavior of youth.
Around the campfire that night, the boys were instructed to write down their lists, place them in an envelope, and throw them into the fire – which they did. This symbolized their break with childhood and their initiation into manhood.
The teenagers were then presented with gold “credit cards.” Chris found his name printed in the center of the card under the word, “Affirmation of Membership in the Legacy of Manhood.” The symbol of a compass was printed on the two upper corners of the card, but in one compass the familiar designations for north, south, east and west were replaced by crosses. This signified new direction for their lives.
On the lower left-hand corner of Chris’s card were the words “Dale Kinzler, Earthly Father.” In the lower right-hand corner, the words, “Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father.” And summarizing this transition to manhood, the card, included a reference to 1 Corinthians 13:11: “When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.”
Dale concluded the ceremony by explaining the importance of each of the symbols. Then the fathers prayed for their sons.
Later that year, on Father’s Day, Dale received a letter from Chris:

Dear Dad,
I know I wasn’t born your son, but by God’s amazing grace, He has made two separate families one. And I thank Him every day for that. I want more than anything for you to know that I’m thankful for you. I’m thankful because you came along and loved my mom with all your heart and soul. You changed her life and mine.
I know your legacy isn’t over, but you have already started a legacy in me, whether you know it or not. In your life, you’ve taught me what it means to be a godly man, and I know I’m not finished learning.
When I think of Dale Kinzler, I think of a man who deserves respect, a man of character, a man of integrity, a man you can trust, a man of his word, and a man who always has a story to tell. In all, when I think of you, I think of a man who is committed to God.
I’ll never forget our camping trip to the Ouachita Mountains when you really affirmed me as a son and as a man. Someday, when and if I have a son, we’ll go on a camping trip just like that, and then you and I can induct him into our “Legacy of Manhood.”
Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good name is more desired than great riches, favor is better than silver and gold.” With much prayer and consideration, it is my wish to honor you by taking on your last name and carrying on your legacy in my life.
With much appreciation, your son,
Chris

Dale keeps a copy of Chris’s letter in his office at work and in his study at home. He also has a miniature version in his wallet. When asked what he thought of his son’s letter, Dale said simply, “In my whole life, I have never received a better one!”
Welcome, Dale Kinzler, to the Power of Ceremony
(Story on p. 105 Raising A Modern Day Knight)

A ceremony that clearly initiates a boy into manhood will be one of the most significant markers in all of his life. When a man who has become a man through this kind of "Rite of Passage," he stands a much greater chance of making wise decisions in the midst of the newfound freedom he will experience in leaving home and going off to college, the military or the work force.

See the Resource Page for a list of resources for all milestones.